Discovering the Meaning and Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Passive aggression (P/A) is a way for people to express negative emotions without directly expressing them. In passive-aggressive people, there is a disconnect between what they say or feel and what they actually do. It’s important to recognize the signs of passive-aggressive behavior and learn how to better interact with passive-aggressive individuals.

Passive aggression is a combination of aggressive behavior and passive behavior. Here are a few common signs of each so we can see how they manifest in passive-aggressive behavior.

Aggressive behavior:

• Bullying
• Name-calling
• Yelling or screaming
• Visible frustration
• Physically harming someone

Passive behavior:

• Avoiding social confrontation
• Saying nothing in response to questions
• Hiding feelings from themselves or others

Passive aggression is the combination of these two sides of emotion. For instance, instead of directly telling someone that they are being annoying, a passive-aggressive person may make a sarcastic comment about them or give them the silent treatment. This type of passive-aggressive behavior is an attempt to communicate their frustration, yet avoid direct social confrontation.

Passive-aggressive behavior in a person commonly originates from deep anger, resentment, or frustration that they don’t express or address directly. People who exhibit passive-aggressive behavior are not always aware of what they are doing. It’s common for these people to have pushed their anger so deep down that they don’t remember it’s there. In these cases, the anger is expressed indirectly in the examples outlined below.

Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behavior

There are many signs of passive-aggressive behavior. The above examples are verbal methods of passive aggression, but there are many other ways that passive-aggressive behavior expresses itself:

• The silent treatment
• Heavy procrastination
• Backhanded compliments
• Overuse of sarcastic comments
• Intentionally withholding information
• Avoiding responsibility for tasks and projects
• Opposition to requests from authority figures

Passive-aggressive people are also known for agreeing with someone's request, then expressing their resentment or anger by not following through on their promise. Oftentimes, these common types of passive-aggressive behavior is unintentional.

Overall, you can identify when someone is being passive-aggressive when they don’t directly express their anger or frustration, and instead let it out in subtle ways that indicate they aren’t in agreement with you or your words.

3 Ways to Work with Passive-Aggressive People

Do not respond to their passive aggression with anger, frustration, or your own passive aggression.

• This kind of response will encourage the other person to continue acting passive-aggressively.
• Instead, show that you value their perspective and avoid accusing them. Do this while also making sure you don’t apologize for the unwarranted offenses they express with their passive aggression.

Intentionally manage your own emotions when in conversation with a passive-aggressive person.

• Don’t let them cause you to react emotionally to their words or actions. If they can get a rise out of you with their behavior, it will likely continue.
• Instead, do your best to address the person's concerns directly and open the space for an honest conversation.

Limit the time you spend with passive-aggressive people.

• If the above methods don’t work, your next best step is to limit your time with them whenever possible.
• This can give you time to assess the situation objectively and find a solution to the problem moving forward.

Passive aggression can severely harm relationships if it goes unaddressed. If the passive-aggressive person is open to it, speaking with a mental health counselor is a fantastic way to deal with the underlying emotions that cause types of passive-aggressive behavior.

Contact Creative Counseling Center

Are you struggling with someone you believe may be showing signs of passive-aggressive behavior? Are you looking to speak to a mental health counselor? Schedule a free phone consultation to learn more about our services. We have a team of experienced counselors in the Denver area, and we would love to provide support to your family. We look forward to hearing from you.